


heart in hands

by mikkey_bones



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fix-It, Friendship, Gen, Happy Ending, M/M, MAJOR episode 26 spoilers, Not Canon Compliant, Pre-Relationship, Resurrection, caleb pov, he died but he's fine, the mighty nein - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 21:24:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15470376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikkey_bones/pseuds/mikkey_bones
Summary: Beau takes Molly's deck of cards. Caleb takes Molly's heart-shaped amulet, and maybe more than that.





	heart in hands

**Author's Note:**

> I finally listened to Episode 26 yesterday, and it wrecked me. I haven't fully caught up with the show yet, but I needed to get this out first.

Beau goes through Molly’s things while Nott and Caleb watch. It feels like a violation, like they’re stealing from a friend, but Caleb remembers Molly’s occasionally vicious pragmatism and thinks that he wouldn’t mind much. She takes his cards, pockets them, offers Nott some trinkets. Caleb gets the Periapt of Wound Closure that Molly bought from Pumat Sol. The amulet, strung on a gold chain, is a red heart cradled by two gold hands.

 _A lot of good this did you, friend_ , Caleb thinks as he brushes his thumb over the hands. Under his touch, the amulet is warm. Maybe it’s the residue of whatever magic tried to keep Mollymauk alive; maybe it’s the remnants of Molly’s fast-dissipating body heat. Caleb closes his eyes, pushing down his grief and rage, and puts the chain over his head. The amulet rests on his sternum, level with his heart and just an inch or so above his diamond necklace. In spite of its earlier warmth, the metal is cold against Caleb’s skin.

Caleb lets out a breath, then takes a clay cat’s paw out from his jacket, preparing to dig. There is much to do. They cannot linger here.

*

“When someone dies in my clan we know that their spirit never leaves,” Nila says, her voice quiet as she looks away from the group and up towards the gathering snow clouds. “It just gets returned to nature, which is why we protect nature so fiercely. I have lost people before. I find ways to see them in nature, sometimes just the leaves on the trees. I pick one leaf and I know that it is a spirit waving to me. Your friend is here. He has not left.”

The quiet confidence in her tone makes Caleb’s chest grow tight. He lowers his head, and he sees Beau and Nott and Keg do the same, before they finally head out.

 _He has not left_ , Caleb thinks, glancing back at the lonely grave at the side of the road, at the patchwork coat fluttering in the breeze. Where is he, then? There are no more leaves on the trees, nothing to wave at. Just big flakes of snow that land on his hair and face only to melt and drip down like tears.

 _At least the sky can mourn for you properly_ , Caleb thinks, turning away from the grave and facing forward on his horse, towards the Quannah Breach, towards Shady Creek Run. _And on we go, Mr. Mollymauk_.

Caleb spends most of his time talking to dead people. Molly is just another one on the list.

*

They confront the Iron Shepherds with death in their hearts and their hands. It doesn’t go well -- but it goes better than last time. Nila is a force of nature. So is Yasha, who Nott managed to free first. She’s working on getting Jester and Fjord out of their shared cage when Caleb’s attention is grabbed by an arrow to the back. It pierces all the way through his shoulder and sends blood dripping down his chest. He turns in time to get a second arrow through the lung, and falls back, feeling himself begin to lose consciousness.

‘ _Caleb_ ,’ someone says and it’s Molly’s voice, it’s Mollymauk, and Caleb always thought that when he died he would have a vision of his parents or maybe Astrid and Eodwulf, not this, but at the same time it’s not at all surprising to hear Molly say, with rage and with pain, ‘ _Caleb, you son of a-- Caleb, don’t let those bastards get you too!_ ’

He slips into blackness.

When he comes to, maybe a minute later, he thinks, _So the amulet works after all_.

‘ _You bet it bloody works_ ,’ a familiar voice echoes in the back of his mind, but they’re still in the middle of the fight and Nott needs help. Caleb pays it no mind.

*

They tell the others what happened to Mollymauk. Yasha screams, her rage echoing loud into the snow clouds that hang heavy in the sky. Caleb almost wishes that any of the Iron Shepherds remained alive, so that they could hear the noise and be afraid. Maybe it’s loud enough to reach Lorenzo in whatever hell he’s gone to.

When Yasha settles, drawing back in on herself, Caleb sends Frumpkin the cat to walk over and settle up against her side. He watches Yasha hesitate before gathering the cat close, taking what comfort she can.

Jester cries on Beau. Nott hugs her. Fjord holds her hand.

Caleb sits back, a little ways away from the fire, and touches the amulet that rests against his chest. The gem is warm like a living heart against his fingers.

*

Caleb dreams. He’s floating in a colorless, featureless void, surrounded by a warm, diffuse light. Mollymauk Tealeaf is there, naked, seated with his legs crossed. The eyes on his neck and his hands glow a dull red.

“ _Finally_ ,” Molly says without making a sound. Caleb hears him anyway. “Caleb.”

“Mollymauk,” Caleb replies. The sound won’t leave his mouth, and he can’t stop looking at the sickly red eyes inked into Molly’s skin. They look like blood, like the blood that oozed out of Molly’s chest as he lay in the middle of the road, the blood Caleb had wiped from the side of his mouth before lowering him in his grave, the blood--

The dream slips, turning into a nightmare.

“ _Caleb_!” Mollymauk says, his voice sharp, but he’s already disappearing and there’s nothing around Caleb but cold earth and then fire, and Caleb wakes with the amulet hot against his chest.

*

The next night, he’s back in the blank space, cradled on all sides by the warm, diffuse light. It’s like being drawn into the dodecahedron, Caleb thinks, but somehow more familiar, less alien.

Mollymauk is also there, Caleb realizes when he lets his awareness spread out through the void. Still naked, still sitting cross-legged, now with a downward pull to his lips that’s almost but not quite a frown.

“Caleb. Don’t get distracted this time,” he says, soundless but still understood, and his tone is serious enough that Caleb’s sleeping mind, notoriously unruly, actually pays attention, tries to focus. “I don’t know how long I’ll be able to do this.”

That catches Caleb’s interest, and he straightens a bit. “Do what?” he asks and makes no sound. He opens his mouth to try again. “Do--”

“Show up here,” Molly replies. “I can hear you, dear, don’t worry. And see you. Listen--”

But whatever Mollymauk was going to say is lost as Fjord shakes Caleb awake for the next watch.

*

The third time Mollymauk appears in Caleb’s dream, there’s something insubstantial about him. A new kind of clarity, like the light is leaking all the way through his body. He looks tired.

“Caleb,” he says without sound. He sounds tired, and as he speaks he fades a little more. “Don’t lose the amulet. _Please_.”

“Molly,” Caleb says, feeling just as lost as before. “What is this? Are you real?”

“I don’t know how it works,” Molly continues, his voice fading along with his image. It’s not clear whether or not he even hears Caleb, but he ignores the questions. “I think blood--”

And then he’s gone, and Caleb is left alone in the calm light. The peace only lasts a moment before he slides back into a nightmare.

*

If there’s anyone in the group particularly susceptible to having vivid dreams about a dead man, it’s Caleb, at least in his own estimation. Yasha and Fjord are tied in second place. Which is to say that Caleb doesn’t know what to think when he wakes the next morning, his head muddy with the dregs of a nightmare, the amulet uncomfortably warm on his chest. He picks up the heart and hands and stares at it, trying to make sense of the artifact in the hazy winter light.

“Caleb,” Nott says and Caleb starts, lets the amulet fall back against his chest. His little friend is standing in front of him, tin plate in hand, offering him a measure of baked potatoes and leftover rabbit for breakfast.

Caleb makes himself smile. “Thank you, my friend.”

Nott has her own plate and moves to sit at Caleb’s side, tucking in her bony knees and elbows. “You were thinking about Molly,” she says quietly after a moment of silence.

Caleb was caught, quite literally, with his heart in his hands; he doesn’t bother to deny the obvious. “Yes.” Then he changes the subject. “Nott, do you ever dream about the ones we have left behind?”

Nott looks at him, a considering expression in her slanted golden eyes. Then she looks away. “I don’t dream, really. Maybe that’s worse.”

Nott’s shoulders are hunched, her elbows tucked tight around her body. Caleb puts an arm around her shoulders and pulls her closer, and they drop the subject.

*

Caleb thinks that perhaps he is going mad again. After all, it was only a matter of time. Even so, when they finally reach an inn, he heads up early to the room that he will share with Nott, the amulet heavy around his chest. For the first time since Beau gave it to him, Caleb removes the chain from around his neck, placing it gently on the ground.

First, he casts _detect magic_ , ignoring the glow from their various items and focusing his hands and his attention over the amulet, which glows brightly in his vision. The whole thing is suffused in an aura of conjuration, which makes sense. But underneath that glow -- conjuration always shows up with the color green in Caleb’s mind -- there’s something else, concentrated in the heart gem. A darker color, red and purple like a bruise.

Necromancy.

Could it be? Caleb’s hands are shaky as he dismisses the spell and pulls out a tiny dagger, the extra sharp one he uses for cutting parchment and preparing spell components. He pricks his thumb, drawing blood, then touches it to the jewel.

The metal heats up instantly, and Caleb yanks his hand back with a curse. But then the heat lessens until the warmth is enough to bear, and when Caleb dares to touch the amulet again, he hears a faint voice, not his own, like an itch at the base of his skull.

‘ _Sorry, sorry. I’ll need to figure that one out_.’

Caleb laughs until he feels like crying, Mollymauk echoing him in the back of his mind.

*

Caleb is nothing if not methodical, and he wants to do all he can to ensure that this is _real_ , that this is (more or less) permanent before he tells the rest of the Mighty Nein. Mollymauk endures his questions and experiments patiently, largely because, trapped in an amulet that resides around Caleb’s neck, he has no choice. Together, they learn several things.

First, whatever magic ties Molly to the amulet relies on blood to strengthen his connection to the amulet and his ability to reach out from it. And it can’t be animal blood, Caleb learns after a small  and not too pleasant experiment with a rabbit carcass one night while he’s on watch.

Second, the more Molly manifests, the more he practices appearing in Caleb’s dreams or making himself heard in the back of Caleb’s mind, the stronger he gets and the longer he remains.

And third, Molly sees everything, knows everything that happens to the Caleb -- or whoever is wearing the amulet -- even when he is unresponsive. But if the amulet isn’t touching someone, Molly can’t see or communicate, even with the aid of Caleb’s blood.

 _That is odd_ , Caleb thinks to Mollymauk when he places the amulet around his neck again, as if the entire situation isn’t odd.

‘ _Yes_ ,’ Molly agrees and his voice sounds -- feels -- shaken. ‘ _Please don’t-- Let’s not do that again_.’

Caleb keeps the necklace on, safe against his chest, after that.

*

“I want to try my own experiment,” Mollymauk says one day when they meet in a dream. As he’s grown more comfortable manifesting in this lighted space, Molly has begun to play around with clothing and jewelry. Tonight, he’s wearing his old patchwork coat, but each different patch glitters like it’s woven from pure silk. There’s nothing under his coat but tattoos and an expanse of scarred lavender skin.

At this point, Caleb has seen him naked enough that he is no longer embarrassed by Mollymauk’s nudity. All his embarrassment comes back, though, when he’s face to face with a Molly who is artfully half-dressed rather than nude. Knowing his logic doesn’t make any sense isn’t Caleb from feeling suddenly awkward and a bit overwhelmed, like he always used to when Molly flirted a bit too hard. To his credit, Molly doesn’t tell Caleb whether or not he’s blushing when he says, “Of course. What is it?"

Before, in the dreams, they’ve remained where they come into being, about five feet away from each other in the lighted void. As Caleb watches, Molly stands up on nothing and walks forward, drawing near. He holds out one hand, his eyes catching Caleb’s.

Caleb looks away out of habit, but reaches out to take Molly’s hand. A little shock goes through him when their hands connect solidly, flesh against flesh. He was half expecting them to go right through each other.

Molly must have been expecting the same thing, because his grip tightens around Caleb’s for a moment before he relaxes, and he laughs, breathless and delighted. “Oh,” he says. “Thank the _gods_.” He doesn’t let go of Caleb’s hand until the dream ends.

*

When he finally tells them, the members of the original Mighty Nein insist on taking turns holding the amulet and speaking with their old friend. Yasha goes first, holding the amulet tightly in her fist, clutching it so hard that her knuckles go white. After that, Beau takes a turn, her face white and her eyes wet. They all turn around to give her some privacy. Then, Jester takes over, cupping the amulet in her hands and whispering stories, jokes, nonsense to Molly for nearly half an hour. Fjord’s conversation is shorter. Nott’s is shortest of all, but she looks fiercely happy when she hands the amulet back to Caleb.

Everyone watches as Caleb hangs the heart around his neck again. Molly is quiet; the only thing he can feel is a mixture of sadness and satisfaction as the warm metal settles against his sternum.

They’re waiting for him -- or for Molly -- to say something. Caleb clears his throat. His chest is tight and his eyes feel damp and he doesn’t know if that’s coming from _him_ or bleeding over from Molly. “I, I have done some experiments and I would like to say that this is, ah, real, that Mollymauk is _here_ , perhaps due to his arcane abilities, and, ah--"

He tries to think of something to say, something that they want to hear, but before he can fumble through more words, Jester has her arms around his waist, and Nott is hugging his legs. “We’ll get him out of there, Caleb,” Jester says, her voice full of tears and determination. “Don’t worry. We’ll bring him back.”

*

It’s easy enough to say that they’ll bring Mollymauk back; it’s harder to actually do it. By the time that Caleb is sure that he’s speaking with the real Molly, by the time that he tells the others, they’re back in Zadash, far from the Quannah Breach and in the middle of a deadly war as the Empire tears itself apart.

It’s Molly who tells them to wait. ‘ _My bones aren’t going anywhere_ ,’ he tells Caleb, his tone fierce, as they sit in the Leaky Tap and argue about their next step. ‘ _You all are alive. You have things to do. Don’t go chasing after a dead man_.’

Caleb isn’t convinced, and Molly amends his statement, his tone heavy with amusement. ‘ _Don’t go chasing after me yet, anyway. Make some money first_.’

 _I have spent the large part of my life chasing death_ , Caleb responds even as he relays Molly’s words to the rest of the group.

‘ _Well then_ ,’ Molly says with the smug tone that he takes when he knows he’s winning the argument. ‘ _Maybe you should start chasing life instead._ ’

They content themselves with waiting, with the promise that they’ll be back.

*

Yasha is the first one to ask for the amulet for the night, so that she can dream with Mollymauk. In the morning, the darkness in her face is lifted and she offers Caleb a small smile as she hands it back.

Jester is next. That night, she wakes herself -- and the rest of them -- with the volume of her laughter.

Eventually, Beau claims her turn. In the morning, when she holds the necklace back out for Caleb, she’s wearing an exaggerated frown. “Tell him he’s a total bastard,” she says, her exasperation dissolving into a wide smile.

Fjord doesn’t take the necklace for a whole night, but occasionally, when they’re on watch together, he asks Caleb to hand it over, and lets himself have short conversations with their old friend.

Nott doesn’t ask for the amulet, but she watches it like a hawk when they enter towns or sleep at inns, guarding Molly with as much fierceness as she guards Caleb, and that’s enough.

*

Molly often holds Caleb’s hand in dreams, and Caleb has almost gotten used to the warmth of it, the way Molly’s slightly longer fingers curl around his hand, the occasional brush of long nails against his skin. Caleb has never been a tactile person, not in the way Mollymauk was (is), but he knows it must be hard to be stuck in a form that barely allows him to touch anyone. So Caleb allows it. And, eventually, he grows to like it.

They’re holding hands one night when Caleb opens up to Mollymauk, tells him about his past. He has second watch that night -- he’s woken in the middle of telling Mollymauk about the torture, and waits to resume his story, feeling slightly nauseous, until he’s asleep again.

When it’s finished, Molly squeezes his hand. “You’ve changed,” he says after a beat of silence.

“Since I was sixteen years old? Of course I have,” Caleb says, and he can’t help the bitterness in his tone.

Molly doesn’t rise to meet his anger. “Since we met,” he corrects him, bumping their shoulders together. “I know you’ve been through awful things. I… you know, Caleb, I want to _flay_ everyone who hurt you, skin them alive--” Caleb shivers at the murder in his tone. “But I’m glad you’re here anyway. With me. Even though you went through hell to get here.”

“Oh,” Caleb says because he’s not sure what to say, and because his chest feels wonderfully, dangerously light.

Molly laughs and kisses his cheek. It surprises Caleb so much that he wakes himself up.

*

The war doesn’t end. It was foolish, Caleb supposes, to think that it would be done soon, not when the Empire and Xhorhas have been engaged in a standoff that’s lasted centuries. Instead, the war gets worse, and the Mighty Nein are caught in the middle -- until they’re not.

“Technically, _technically_ , this isn’t running away,” Jester says after they sneak out of Zadash.

“Technically,” Fjord agrees. “But it sure feels like it.”

Beau laughs. “Wonder how long before the Lawmaster realizes we’re gone.”

“I am more worried about the Gentleman finding out,” Caleb mutters, and in the back of his mind, he feels Molly agree. But they have something more important to do.

That’s what he reminds himself as they sneak through the Xhorhassian front lines, the Traveler’s magic helping them pass without a trace. And the thought keeps him warm as they head north, traveling away from the main road and staying as well-hidden as they can. He can feel Molly’s anticipation growing too, as they retrace their steps towards the mountains -- towards the place where he died.

*

Nothing easy lasts. When they’re three days out from the ambush site -- by Caleb’s estimation, anyway -- they’re confronted by a group of five well-armed bandits, probably former soldiers. They’re obviously experienced, trapping Yasha and Fjord under weighted nets before the others have a chance to react. Beau, Nott, Jester and Caleb gather together defensively. The bandits are no match for them, of course, but they don’t want to make stupid mistakes. They’ve got an important mission -- the most important one they’ve taken so far -- and _none_ of them want to fuck it up.

Of course, things go south anyway, when the lead bandit notices a red heart and gold hands resting against Caleb’s chest under his open shirt. “Now that’s a pretty bauble,” the man says, pointing at it with his short sword. “If you give us that, we might let you go with your lives. How’s that deal sound, hmm?”

' _Caleb_ ,' Molly says in the back of his mind. Caleb ignores him, feeling his mind settle back into that icy place where he used to live. He takes a breath, reaches out a hand, and _incinerates_ them with all the power he can muster. Then he goes away.

When he comes back, it’s to Molly’s voice in his head. ‘ _Caleb. Caleb, come back to me, come back to us, come on_.’ Layered over that is the sound of Beau sniffling, and Caleb realizes that she’s holding him in her arms. He blinks.

‘ _Attaboy, Caleb_.’

“Mollymauk, wha--” Caleb says aloud, through lips that are chapped and raw from the sudden outburst of heat that came from his hand.

“Don’t scare us like that again, you asshole!” Beau says, and Caleb realizes that while she’s got one arm around him to support his weight, her other, slightly bloodied hand is on the amulet on his chest. He feels suddenly warm. Molly echoes the warmth back at him. And Beau envelops him -- envelops them both -- in a backbreaking hug.

‘ _She’s grown_ ,’ Molly says in Caleb’s head, sounding amused.

“Shut up,” Beau grouses into Caleb’s shoulder and hugs him harder.

*

The grave is where Caleb remembers, though the marker and the patchwork coat are gone. That’s not unexpected. It’s been a year and a half, after all.

Molly’s thoughts are running in the same direction. ‘ _It’s been a while, huh_ ,’ he says, his voice subdued as they watch Yasha and Fjord start to dig at the ground, now soft with the summer weather. Caleb feels a lurch of nausea and isn’t sure whether it comes from him or from Molly, who’s low voice has become more urgent. ‘ _Listen, Caleb, I don’t-- I don’t want to see the body. Don’t let me see it_.’

“I won’t,” Caleb mutters, turning around so that his back is to the grave.

“Caleb?” Nott asks.

“He doesn’t want to see,” Caleb says, his hand over the amulet on his chest. He feels Nott grab his other hand, and mutely, they wait, listening to the sound of scraping at the dirt and Yasha’s quiet gasp.

“We found him,” Beau says. She sounds shaken. Caleb grips the amulet harder. Molly feels withdrawn, closed in on himself, but still present.

“Now I’m going to draw the circle and put down the diamond,” Jester says. Caleb knows it’s for his and Molly’s benefit. A few minutes pass. “And now I’m starting, okay?”

‘ _Okay_ ,’ Molly says and sounds very small.

“Okay,” Caleb echoes.

Jester begins to speak under her breath, performing the ritual of resurrection. Caleb tries not to hold his breath and mostly succeeds.

‘ _Caleb_ ,’ Molly says and his voice is faint again. ‘ _Before I go, I want to_ \--’ A pause. Caleb wonders if he’s gone already, but then he continues. ‘ _I..._ _Thank you, Mr. Caleb. For everything_.’

 _But I didn’t do anything_ , Caleb thinks, and feels the heart-shaped gem get hot against his hand.

It’s only when he feels Molly’s presence fully leave the amulet, and the metal grow cold in his hand, that Caleb turns around. Laid out on a dirty, half-rotted tapestry is the naked body of Mollymauk Tealeaf, cold and unmoving, but whole.

There’s a long pause. Jester keeps her eyes squeezed shut and her hands clasped together, muttering a litany that’s half spell, half desperate prayer to the traveler. Arcane pressure builds around them, making Caleb’s ears pop.

And then several things happen at once: the pressure goes away, a laugh rings like a bell in the air, Jester falls to the ground, and Mollymauk takes a breath.

“Jester!” Fjord says. Nott grips Caleb’s hand so hard that he can feel his bones grinding together.

“I’m fine,” Jester says, but she looks pale and she leans heavily on Fjord when he helps her up. “Molly? Molly, are you there?”

Collectively, everyone holds their breath, leaning forward as they watch their friend take a few breaths, frown, and then open his eyes. There’s a pause, a brief hesitation when Caleb wonders if this lavender tiefling is really Mollymauk, if they might have brought back Lucien or Nonagon by accident, if something went horribly wrong-- and then he smiles, and it’s Molly. It’s _all_ Molly.

Caleb breathes again. Nott’s hand relaxes on his.

Molly looks around, and his eyes meet Caleb’s. “Oh, you,” he says, his voice gravelly from disuse. He lifts his hands and lets them drop, then gives in to the big smile that takes over his face as he looks up at their group, the Mighty Nein, hovering around him. “ _Look_ at all of you.”

“Look at yourself, Mr. Mollymauk,” Caleb says, and the joy in his chest bubbles up and spills out of his mouth in a laugh.

Eventually, the heart and hands amulet against his chest grows cold, but Caleb pays it no mind. After all, he’s surrounded by his friends, and Molly’s hand is solid and warm and dazzlingly _real_ in his own.

“Welcome back,” he murmurs to Molly, his voice nearly lost in the chatter and laughter of their group hug.

Molly hears it anyway, and catches Caleb’s eyes, holding his gaze. “Welcome home.”


End file.
